Anal sex and anal toys are exciting for many people, but also a bit scary. That last part isn't necessary, as long as you keep three things in mind: start slowly, use plenty of lube, and only choose toys with a wide base. Here is what you need to know.
Why, exactly?
There are many nerve endings around the anus, in both men and women. For men, the prostate is also within reach through the anus, an area that can give a very different kind of orgasm. For women, a butt plug indirectly stimulates the back wall of the vagina, which can make vaginal sex feel fuller and more intense. For both, the feeling of fullness makes everything else feel stronger.
Your first toy: small and with a base
Start with a small butt plug, no thicker than a finger. The most important feature is the wide base or flange at the bottom. Unlike the vagina, the anus has no natural stop. A toy without a base can slip inside, and then you have a problem. So never buy an anal toy without a base.
A set of three sizes is the smartest purchase. You start small and grow at your own pace. Metal plugs are smooth, heavy, and feel cool to the touch, which many people actually enjoy. Silicone plugs are softer and bend slightly with your body.
From our shop
- 3-piece metal anal plug set – three sizes, grow at your own pace
- Diamond butt plug – small, smooth and beautiful
- Inflatable butt plug – insert small, then choose your own size
- Water-based lube set – use generously, always
- Condoms, 25 pack – handy to put over a toy
Which shape suits whom?
Classic plug (teardrop shape with a narrow neck): stays in place well, even while moving. The standard choice for beginners.
Plug with decorative piece (diamond, jewel, tail): the same, but nice to look at. Popular with couples.
Anal beads: a string of balls that get bigger. You insert them one by one and slowly pull them out, often just before or during an orgasm.
Vibrating plug: with a motor, often with a remote control. For those who want more after a few tries.
Prostate stimulator: for men, with a curved head that presses right against the prostate. A step beyond a regular plug.
Lube is not optional, it's essential
The anus doesn't produce any moisture of its own. So always use plenty of lube, more than you think you'll need. With silicone toys, choose a water-based lube. With metal or glass, silicone lube also works, and it stays slippery longer. Thick lube (gel) works better anally than thin lube, because it's less likely to pull away.
How to start
- Relax. Take a warm shower, make sure you have plenty of time and won't be disturbed. Tension in your mind is tension in your body.
- Start with a finger. Plenty of lube, go slowly, and notice how your body responds. Breathe out slowly as you go in.
- Then the toy. Place the tip against the anus and press very gently while you breathe out. Let your body "let in" the toy; don't force anything.
- Stop if it hurts. Light pressure is normal, pain is not. If it hurts, go back to a smaller size or use more lube.
- Build up. The first few times, the plug only needs to stay in for a few minutes. After that you can wear it longer or use it during sex.
Together with your partner
Discuss it beforehand, not in bed. The person receiving the toy always sets the pace. A good way to start: insert the plug yourself in the shower, and only then go to bed. That way the most exciting step is already done without an audience. A vibrating plug with a remote control is a fun next step: your partner controls it, and you feel it.
Hygiene
- Clean the toy before and after use with warm water and mild soap or a toy cleaner.
- Never use a toy anally and then vaginally without cleaning it in between. Or use a condom over the toy.
- Store anal toys separately from your other toys.
- A trip to the toilet and a shower beforehand are enough. You don't need to douche for a plug; if you do want to, use lukewarm water and never more often than necessary.
Mistakes beginners make
Starting too big. A size that looks small in the shop is often large in practice. Choose smaller than you think.
Using too little lube. If it feels stiff, the answer is always: more lube.
Continuing through pain. Pain is the signal to stop, not to push on. There's always tomorrow.
A toy without a base. Never. Not even "just for a moment".
Beyond the plug
Enjoying it? Then there are anal beads, vibrating plugs with remote control, and for men, prostate stimulators. All follow the same rules: wide base, plenty of lube, build up slowly.
Also read
Frequently Asked Questions
Does a butt plug hurt?
No, not if you start small, use plenty of lube and insert it slowly while breathing out. Light pressure is normal, pain is the sign to stop and go down a size.
Which butt plug is best for beginners?
A small plug with a wide base, no thicker than a finger. A set of three sizes is the smartest purchase: you grow at your own pace.
Which lube should I use anally?
A thick water-based lube with silicone toys. With metal or glass toys, silicone lube also works, as it stays slippery longer. Always use plenty.
How long can a butt plug stay in?
The first few times, a few minutes. After that you can build up to an hour or longer, as long as it stays comfortable. Take it out as soon as it starts to feel pressure or pricking.
Do I need to douche before anal sex?
No. A trip to the toilet and a shower beforehand are enough for a plug. If you still want to douche, use lukewarm water and not more often than necessary.
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